i'm going to try this again

Sunday, September 30, 2012

the idea of losing him, or the knowledge that he wishes i were someone else when i only want him

Posted by Tara at 11:21 AM

Tara: I have issues that I need to work through. At 15 I was in an abusive relationship, I was raped, and I had a miscarriage. After the rape and the end of the relationship, my world fell apart. When you discover that the life you had become used to and even wanted was all lies and all wrong, reality is hard to adjust to. Because after you find out everything was a lie, it's hard to find the truth left in your life. So when there seemed nothing left to hang on to, I found a purpose. I named her Caylee Joy, and I loved her. And I lost her. So I buried it. I buried the existence of all of these things, because I was college-bound and on to "great things" and this wasn't supposed to happen to me. With it I buried all the feelings, and to keep them buried I stopped feeling anything. I'm finally dealing with this now, four years later. Now that I've let it out it's overwhelming. I'm just trying to keep from drowning.

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